Adoption Positive Language
Why it's essential: Failing to use adoption-sensitive language in a group setting can often lead to people with individual life stories feeling less than or excluded. Adoption is not overly common, but it happens regularly enough that, when addressing a group of 40 or more, statistically speaking, you likely have at least one adoptee. Adoption-sensitive language isn't often discussed, but it plays a crucial role in making those around you feel safe, heard, and comfortable.
Accurate adoption language can help stop the spread of misconceptions about adoption and reflect greater respect for everyone involved and their unique experiences. By using accurate language, we educate others about adoption. It allows us to have honest, meaningful conversations without inadvertently using judgmental or hurtful phrasing.
Of course, "accurate" language is subjective and constantly evolving. It would be best if you chose words that are both accurate and feel right to you. For example, a person who is adopted may refer to himself as an "adoptee," and a birth mother may refer to herself as a "first parent." Other people may use completely different terminology—and that's okay. No one's perspective of their own adoption experience is wrong.
Below are some suggestions from across our adoption community.
Instead of this…
Real/Natural Child
Own Child
Adoptive Parent
Adopted Child
Adoptee
Is Adopted
Give away/Adopt out/Give up/Put up
To keep the child
Unwanted or problem pregnancy
Illegitimate
Adoptable child/Unwanted child
Handicapped child/Hard to place
Consider this…
Birth parent/Biological parent/First parent
Child
Parent
Child
Person/individual who was adopted
Was adopted
Make an adoption plan/Choose adoption/Place for adoption
To parent the child
Pregnancy
Born to unmarried parents
Waiting Child
Child with special needs
*Using Accurate Adoption Language - National Council For Adoption. https://adoptioncouncil.org/article/using-accurate-adoption-language/
You can call, text, or email me anytime -call or text: 785-217-4603, email: lisa@theadoptiongroup.com, or Facebook message: https://www.facebook.com/theadoptionlawgroup/. The office phone is answered 24 hours a day, every single day. I make every effort to respond to emails and text messages within a few minutes of receipt.
POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER: These blog posts are written using language people use when searching for help with their adoption plans. Unfortunately, while many of us understand what positive adoption language means, most expectant moms that come to me at first do not. Like it or not, the search term, "how do I give up my baby for adoption," is the most common. If I do not include those words in the blog posts and instead write "how do I create an adoption plan for my baby," my website will not show up in most expectant moms' search results in Google.
